AVN Adult Entertainment

Date: Sun, Jan 11, 2009

Thank you Jesus!

It's that time of the year again.

It's Porn Expo time in Las Vegas.

Flipchip is covering the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas. What a lucky man. He's got some pretty sweet photos of porn stars and strippers.

Go check it out.

Day 1 pics

Day 2 pics

Day 3 pics


Thank you Flipchip!

And Happy New Year everyone!!!

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Merry Christmas . . . .

Date: Wed, Dec 24, 2008

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

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Merry Christmas . . . .

Date: Wed, Dec 24, 2008

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

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Merry Christmas . . . .

Date: Wed, Dec 24, 2008

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

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Merry Christmas . . . .

Date: Wed, Dec 24, 2008

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

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Las Vegas - December 2008

Date: Sun, Dec 21, 2008

Holiday Classic Recap


It started with economic problems.

Then the invasion began.

The response was guerrilla warfare.

The site was a small town in the western part of the United States.

It was a late fall/early winter morning when it first happened. Long before the snow would arrive.

Their lives were interrupted by an invasion of cowboys in the empty fields behind the local high schools and casinos.

I believe it was their paratrooper unit.

As the cowboys began their attack, a small group of bloggers obtained weapons and supplies then fled to the nearby mountains.



After hiding out for awhile, they would return looking for news. Any news.

They were joined by two females, possibly Canadians.

One cougar. Plus her daughter.

Legend has it that the cougar’s family once gave those same bloggers sanctuary from the enemy.

Who were these guys that needed sanctuary? And why?

Well, their leader was a man who looked a lot like Travis Tritt. He started a resistance against the cowboys and their occupation forces.

So what if they were out-numbered and out-gunned. They could pull it off.

At least the working girls were secretly on their side. Allies you could say.

Finally, the decision was made.

They went in to town for a closer look but the streets were empty.

The occupation forces rounded up all the citizens and tourists.

The town was dead. A ghost town even.

But you could still hear the cry of the Resistance . . . . . . "Wolverines!!"

Or at least that was what I told the bartender at the IP’s Geisha bar.

What happened next?

I decided to buy some guy at the end of the bar a beer.

I said, “Hey bartender. I want to buy Patrick Swayze a beer. See him down there. Go get him a Budweiser and tell him I’m a huge fan. Thanks bro.”

The bartender thought I was crazy. He said, “That sounds like Red Dawn. I love that movie. But that guy over there looks more like Gilligan after a 3 hour tour. No way that’s Patrick Swayze.”

I got two thumbs up for that move.




Over time, the bloggers were joined by a downed fighter pilot named Lt. Colonel Human Head. He was far better suited to instruct the group on ways to defeat the enemy.

He was well versed in formal military tactics after all. And they would need it against the cowboys.

Eventually, the bloggers would make a foray into the war's front lines …. the local hooker bars and gaming tables.

A few more joined the resistance. An Australian, more Canadians, two suit wearing metro-sexuals, a professional keno player, a bunch of pot smokers, some Viagra junkies, a former member of an East Coast think tank, horny newlyweds, a Soco-ologist, a Doctor, a demolition expert called Maudie, a slot addicted brother/sister tandem, a former gang leader known as G-Money, Danny Gans, a cagey Mexican, five midgets and a sore loser were all recruited.

They were well trained and ready to go. But it didn’t matter.

There were way too many cowboys. And there wasn’t enough time.

There were no answers to be found. No one knew anything.

Or so they said.

Luckily, the bloggers were able to discover a few important things along the way.

I’ll name a few.

Times are tough.

Pimpin’ ain’t easy.

Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot is a hustler and an angle shooter.

She can’t be a cougar if you’re older than her.

Always keep your head down but your eyes open.

The enemy is everywhere.

And always wear a rubber.

The battle may be lost but the war still rages on.



I thought this was supposed to be a story about gambling, bloggers, cowboys, working girls and a wedding?

Sounds more like World War III or Armageddon.

Will the morale be eroded as the war of attrition takes its toll on their numbers?

Could they successfully escape to the Free American territory?

The chair is against the wall.

I repeat. The chair is against the wall.

Shit, I lost a lot of money playing blackjack at the MGM and IP.

But I don’t care.

Do you want to know why?

I got to buy Patrick Swayze a few drinks. He was great in Red Dawn and Youngblood.

Wolverines!!!!!!!

As per my usual pre-flight routine, I woke up at 5am for my 11am flight so I could get high. That’s taking dedication to a new level. Wake and bake!

Our cab driver said that Danny Gans was a bad Jew because he saw him eating a pork chop at the Mirage plus he never goes to the synagogue. Our driver was Israeli and seemed kind of ticked at Danny Gans.

The working girls like to make their last stop of the night at the MGM. You can get sloppy lasts between 5am to 7am if you want it. Stop by the area near the Zuri Lounge.


They cut down on porn slappers in Las Vegas. It doesn’t seem the same without all those triple slappers lined up and down the strip. The economy must be hurting if porn is taking a hit.

The MGM has great beds.

Iggy was minding his own business when he got hit on by some cougar. She had her 21 year old daughter with her. Is it me or does this sound like the preamble to a Bang Bros porn video?

The IP hooker bar still rules.

The Wynn buffet rocks. I ate a shitload of food there with Pauly, Change100, Poker Prof and Flipchip. The bread pudding there is awesome!

During the Venetian tourney, I busted F Train, April and Grubby. I put a vicious beat on Grubby too. I also re-sucked the case Queen against F Train. Ship it!

Viva la weddings!


Hookers at the IP Geisha bar were passive aggressive yet loose tight.

Is there anything better than playing Working or Not Working with G-Money? Get your bitch ass to the Casino Royale damnit!!

Sweet sweet Pablo and Sweet sweet Gracie rule!!

I had a great meal at MGM’s Craftsteak. I got to sit next to Badblood again and everyone had the tasting menu. We all ate a ton of Kobe beef. I took a crap the next day and I think my shit had 10 pounds of Kobe beef in it. Viva la Wagyu!

I clogged a toilet at the IP while listening to the Deal-a-tainers in the background.


What’s up with the Joey Buttafucco pants at the crab leg bar? The guy also had a t-shirt that said, "I fish naked."

Blackjack sucks.

I got some great keno tips from Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot.

It was great meeting new people like Dredful, Pirate Lawyer and OhCaptain.

It was great partying with Human Head. I haven’t seen that mofo in a long time. Good times as per usual. I really wish Mrs. Head could’ve made the trip though!!!

Where the hell was Jaxia? And Daddy? And GCox? And Otis? And Johnny Hughes for that matter? I wish they came too. You were all missed.

Tao of Poker/Keno-rati . . . . nuff said.


Viva los Grubby y Grubette.

Getting another chance to be in the presence of Sir AlCan'tHang and Big Mike. Truly honored.

Derek 2, Grubette 2

Two words: Mean Gene

Aussie Aussie Aussie . . . Garth, Garth, Garth.

All night benders.


Congrats to Schecky and Jen Leo on their new kid!

I’m still not sure why I’m only allowed to do # 1 in Change100's toilet.

Some homeless guy tried to crash Gracie’s wedding. He heard about the wedding cake and herbal supplements.

Some guy thought Donkey Puncher was our chauffer because he was wearing a suit.


Blackjack TILT.

Sports book Sunday.

Great starting table during the tourney. I sat with CK, Byron, Grubby, Grubette, Iggy, F-Train, Obie. I later got moved to Change100, Maigrey, THG, and BuddyDank’s table.

Tradition: Drinking at the Geisha bar and the MGM sports book.

Rule #20.

Iggy is one cagey mofo at the poker tables. He called the clock on me after 5 seconds. I waited out the 59 seconds before I folded. Did you know he’s also the 8th best poker player in Latin America?

Two words I didn’t think I would hear this trip but did: Dick Bro. Thanks Betty!!

Ass grabbing.

Boob grabbing

Chaka no like sleep.

12 packs of cigarettes in 5 days. Dirty dozen fo sure.

Sore loser.

Chaka no like crystal meth.

Nice catch trout.


ABC. Always. Be. Closing.

Bet the receipt numbers.

There’s a beer bust at the moon tower.

Diesel + G 13 + Swiss Cheese = Heaven

4 inches of snow in Vegas? Sick.

Pablo crushed the craps table. Supposedly drunk frat boys were chanting his name "Pablo! Pablo! Pablo!"

I was cold decked in almost every table game I played. Or maybe I’m just a horrible gambler? Roshambo anyone?



No trips to the Rhino for me. I wish I stayed another day so I could’ve gone to the strip club with Badblood and Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot. As PKPNF would say, “You gotta support the local economy and single moms.”

I crushed another steak at Outback. Iggy almost ordered off the Joey Menu. Grilled Cheese-A-Roo!

There was a naked fat guy on the terrace at the IP. GMoney thought he was sunning his penis.

Apparently, Shaun Ellis smokes weed and scores touchdowns.



I overslept on Sunday and missed some of the NFL games.

I slept about 3 hours a night.

The hookers love Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot.


I took a lot of joy in seeing how pissed Dan Michalski was after Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot busted him from the Venetian tournament. Dan limped in and played like a pussy so Neil had to bust him.

I got to see some great pics of Human Head’s baby.

Pauly won some money tossing tomatoes off GMoney’s balcony at the IP. Ship it!


Pauly and I almost took on some frat boys in beer pong over at O'Sheas.

I told a working girl that my name was Dan Michalski. She didn’t believe me. Dan must already have her cell number.

I busted out of the tourney around 30th after building a big stack early. I suck.

I almost went all day Saturday without eating.

Maudie = gigli.

No back to back. The Defending champ The Rooster went out 2nd.

Congrats to Maigrey for bouncing back after the floor staff almost fucked her proper. Bad call on their part for making her sit out an orbit when the dealer fucked up. She got screwed but rallied back to make the final table. She eventually beat Obie heads up to win the tourney. Feel her hammer!!!

Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Pablo!


The party bus that took us to the chapel ruled. We drank Soco out of champagne glasses. Anyone have any OxyContin?

I heard a hooker had to pay Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot money after they had sex. Never roll dice with PKPNF.

Garth kicked butt in the Hard Rock charity tourney . . . congrats on the 4th place finish!

Pauly said that Marty saw a blind women in the men’s room. He thinks she was confused but Pauly says Marty was probably in the wrong restroom.

ACH busted Tiffany Michelle during the Hard Rock charity tourney. French fries anyone?

I crushed an In & Out burger while Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot shot dice in the parking lot with some cowboys and a homeless guy.


Pauly tried to use a bogus hip flexor story to secure a Vicodin prescription from Dr. Jeff. He was quickly denied.

Grubby got a text message from some stripper he fingered at the Rhino? Holy smokes Batman! There was a squirting incident last year, now there’s a fingering one? What’s gonna happen next year?

At one point Iggy was stuck over $600 in roshambo. Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot won $100 from him.

Pauly coolered me at the MGM blackjack tables while he brought Pablo some good luck. Booo!!

I ate Maudie’s bacon then I tweeted her twat. Or is that twatted her tweet?

CC in the NYC!!


Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot busted out in 52nd place of the blogger tourney. He sat at table 14, seat 9. He later played those numbers at keno and won $1500.

I learned a lot of important lessons on both life and keno from Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot.

Pablo stiffed Human Head. After listening to Pablo's bad beat story, Head demanded his money but Pablo wouldn’t pay up and just walked away.

Cocaine in a can baby!

It’s not Neil Fontenot. It’s Neil Fonte-YEAH!


No meth, no keno secrets sucka.

Is there anything better than ecstasy and generic Viagra?

The reason I don't watch TV, is because I did so much meth that I took apart my TV.

Did you get that hooker? It's a moot point because I'm over my ATM withdrawl limit for the day.

How would you like to make $14 the hard way?

Hey boys and girls, if you aren’t wasted then your day is.

Where’s Joo the Pai Gow dealer?

Your blog is my homepage.

What’s with The Rooster wearing a Cosby sweater?


Coffee is for closers like Professional Keno Player Neil Fontenot.

You’ve been Keno’d sucka.

I think it’s much harder to identify the hoes than the hookers.

Look at all those losers walking the strip!

Iggy to everyone: “Bobby Bracelet got raped at the roulette table. Is he going to play blackjack now?” Elizabeth to Iggy: "No, he’s going to the ATM."







1. Hey baby, up late or up early?
2. Nice shoes . . . wanna fuck?
3. Hi, I’m Dan but you can call me Friday.
4. I have $300 in my pocket with your name on it.






1. I woke up this morning and donkeypuncher was laying next to me. weird thing was he was still in his suit and hair was perfect. my butt hurts.
2. the rooster comes up to me and brags about getting some girl's #. upon closer inspection its a card for his next dentist appt.

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WBCOOP on PokerStars

Date: Thu, Dec 4, 2008

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Turkey Cup

Date: Tue, Nov 25, 2008

If you have nothing to do later in the evening on Thanksgiving, you might as well try to knock this little guy off his mountain top . . . . .




Viva la Turkey Cup!

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Hooker stories? Yes please.

Date: Mon, Nov 17, 2008

Who doesn't love a good hooker story?

I know I love them.

I'm definitely digging Pauly's latest hooker bar piece, especially since Otis makes an appearance in it.

Existentialist Conversations with Hookers: Maelstrom at the Hooker Bar.

Check it out and don't forget about Saturday's tourney . . . .

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Hooker stories? Yes please.

Date: Mon, Nov 17, 2008

Who doesn't love a good hooker story?

I know I love them.

I'm definitely digging Pauly's latest hooker bar piece, especially since Otis makes an appearance in it.

Existentialist Conversations with Hookers: Maelstrom at the Hooker Bar.

Check it out and don't forget about Saturday's tourney . . . .

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Happy Halloween!

Date: Fri, Oct 31, 2008

Recently, my poker game reminds me of something a family member once said to me 10 years ago.

It happened on Halloween too.

What could that be?

Well, it made me laugh.

He said, "It's never too early to settle for a job or a life you don't like."

Yes, it has been officially confirmed.

And I don't like it.

When it comes to poker . . . . I am a sore loser.

I wasn't sure if anyone knew this but Sweet Sweet Gracie and Sweet Sweet Pablo rule!

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Borgata

Date: Sun, Sep 7, 2008

This is straight from Pauly's twitter. It pretty much sums up my recent trip to the Borgata.

derek is hammered. he tried to go shot for shot w. alcanthang over 4 hours. al looks normal. derek? shitfaced! 02:54 PM September 05, 2008 from txt

wow.... derek was right. eskimo clark in the house. confirmed eskimo sighting at the borgata. save the eskimo. save the world. 09:43 AM September 05, 2008 from txt

crushing the borgata buffet w. derek & the rooster. 08:17 AM September 05, 2008 from txt

Besides Pauly, I got to hang out with Friedman alot.

I spent a few hours with AlCan'tHang, The Rooster and Riggstad too.

The Rooster and I saw a smokin' hot chick crush the craps table. She had next to nothing on and it was only 11am. Working or not working?

Late one night, Pauly and I got a drunken phone call from Daddy. He was on speaker phone and it was hilarious.

Surprisingly, I also got a drunken phone call from Deng Dong.

Then I met Lacey Jones. We touched twice. Nuff said.

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Mr. Baseball . . . .

Date: Sun, Aug 17, 2008

I saw this on ESPN's website and laughed.

But what about Jack Elliot? I heard he led the league in 2 out doubles after the 7th inning.

All-time baseball movie batting leaders

1. Kelly Leak, Chico's Bail Bonds, .665
2. Roy Hobbs, New York Knights, .422
3. Crash Davis, Durham Bulls, .398
4. Dottie Hinson, Rockford Peaches, .377
5. Willie Mays Hayes, Cleveland Indians, .356

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Los Angeles . . .

Date: Wed, Aug 13, 2008

King for a Day

I had a pretty good time in LA with Pauly and Change100. I went to two baseball games and ate a shitload of food.

The smoke was pretty dam good too. Swiss Cheese and LA Confidential are goot.

I got slightly sun burned at the Yankees/Angels game. I loved how the Yankee fans were louder than the Angels fans. Well, until that damn rally monkey came out.

I hate that fucking thing. And I do mean hate.

The little rally monkey movie productions on the scoreboard are horribly annoying.

Anaheim stadium was very smoker friendly though.

The food situation was pretty well set up too from a vending standpoint.

Loved the air conditioning in the hallways between the restrooms and food court.

The Angels have a very damn good team. And Vlad Guerrero is still a beast. Tori Hunter too.


I sent a text message to Mustafa shortly after we arrived at the ballpark.

It said, "The Angels have 5 black players in their starting lineup today. Gary Sheffield would approve. Holla!"

Great seats at both games. Very similar spots too. Got to see some great plays by left fielders including Garrett Anderson and Xavier Nady.

And of course, there was Manny Ramirez.


He was made for LA.

Dodger Stadium was much nicer than I thought it would be. Seating layout was much better on the field level than at Anaheim.

After getting burned at the Angels game, I now know why the Dodgers have those gay yellow seats.

I crushed two Dodger dogs in honor of Snailtrax.

High end beer and ice cream in one line? Awesome.

The Sausage Haus at Anaheim made some nice money off of me.

Though, I should've eaten at the outdoor grill. The food out there was of the Snailtrax proportion.


Cheap smokes rule.

Huevos O'Groats, homemade tortillas made from their biscuits. Nuff said.


Ate a great BBQ courtesy of Pauly and Change100.

Unfortunately I did not clog a toilet during this trip. And it was not for lack of effort.

I mistakenly used a decorative soap at Change100's parent's house. Not once but three times. I should've known something wasn't right when the soap looked like it belonged to Andre the Giant. That was definitely a bar of soap that could wash his ass properly.

Where was the Five Towns billboard?

The Pann Diner. That toilet bowl that John Travolta shits in when the diner is getting robbed in Pulp Fiction . . . it has a curtain for the door. No stall doors. Talk about flapping in the wind.

Dodger Stadium is where "the incident" happened.

Apparently Dodger fans do not like non-Dodger fans.

The Dodgers were playing the Phillies. There were 4 Philly fans sitting in front of us dressed up in full gear. They were a little rowdy but nothing out of the norm. They were jokers more than jerks. Every time Tommy LaSorda's pic was flashed on the scoreboard screen, they would remind the crowd that Tommy was from Pennsylvania. The Dodger fans did not like this so they started throwing stuff at the Philly fans.

I made the mistake of asking them to stop. That made things worse.

The next thing I know, two guys are threatening us. One guy ran down the aisle stairs while the other clown just jumped down the three rows.

That's when I got punched. Never saw it coming. What happened to pushing first? Guy was a southpaw too. Fucking cagey ass mofo. I wonder how Phil Ivey would've played this?

I didn't even know I was cut. It happened so fast. I do remember looking at the guy and smirking right after he punched me. He kind of looked scared.

I turned and looked at his friend trying to sneak up on us from the row below us. As soon as I turned toward him, he froze up and looked scared too. Then he started jawing and that's when I heard a girl scream.

I looked down and saw blood all over my shirt.

Then both guys tried to run.

Dodger officials finally stepped in and stopped them.

I was bleeding bad but not hurt. I kind of felt like Marvelous Marvin Haggler at that moment. Well, minus the marvelous part. Unfortunately, that feeling changed as the situation quickly turned into the Ron Artest circus show.

As I'm being escorted up the aisle, chants of "Phillies suck!" rained down on us and everyone pointed at me. I stopped and turned to the crowd and said, "Fuck you, I ain't a Philly fan but your team still sucks!"

Pauly was wearing a NY Yankee baseball hat.

On a dime, the crowd started chanting, "Yankees suck!" and that's when the beers and food started poring down on us.

Ironically, I don't think we were hit by one beer. Horrible aim by the mob. They can't hit a fat target like me?

Here's a pic Pauly took of me moments after we were honored with the Ron Artest red carpet treatment.

I can tell you exactly what's running through my mind at that moment.



Fuck. My shirt is ruined.
Fuck. I need stitches.
Fuck. I hope this isn't on Sportscenter.
Fuck. It's going to cost me $600 to fly back to this shit hole for court.
Fuck. I didn't finish my beer.
Fuck. We have to leave now.
Fuck. I'm glad I don't have weed on me right now.
Fuck. I should've walked away. Naw, I should've punched that clown before he ran away.
Fuck. I'm glad I didn't wear my Snailtrax shirt tonight.
Fuck. The LAPD is going to screw me somehow.
Fuck. WTF just happened!
Fuck. I wanted a third Dodger Dog.
Fuck. This is going to cost me more than $600 to come back here.
Fuck. Can't we just hold him down and let me punch him once and call it even?

Shortly after the guy was arrested I was taken to the first aid room where the doctors stitched me up Patrick Swayze Roadhouse style.

Then things got shady.

This guy lied and said I pushed him first. LAPD knew he was full of it but if he says I pushed or shoved him, than that was considered assault and battery. I was going to jail too if I continued pressing charges.

The LAPD said there was no security footage and no witnesses other than the parties involved. I was going to jail and a judge would decide.

I didn't know what to do. My flight home was the next day and I definitely didn't want to go to jail. I had insurance so I said screw it. Where's a lawyer when you need one? Did we just do a chop or did I just get bluffed out of a huge pot?

Was I just hoodwinked by the LAPD?

Either way, I hope that fucker broke his hand.

Here's a couple of random thoughts I had while typing this post . . . .

1. Breakfast burritos should run away when I walk into a diner.
2. I wish the Farmer's Market was across the street from where I worked. I would eat there everyday.
3. Pineapple Express. Greatest Stoner Action Movie Ever. Must see. I haven't been to the movies in 3 years and saw this flick twice.
4. Brett Favre to the Jets? Chad Pennington to the Dolphins? I smell a sequel to "There's Something about Mary."
5. They have MiBs in LA.
6. That Arnold Palmer Tee rules.
7. Dean Youngblood went back to Thunder Bay didn't he?
8. I told the LAPD that I weighed 215 pounds and the assholes put down 230.

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